How Are You?

The British are notorious for being polite and reserved. However, lately I find myself wondering if this is necessarily a good thing. The subject I wish to take issue with is that of the seemingly compulsive need to say 'how are you?' to every person one has not seen in about five minutes. Naturally this custom takes place more often that not in the workplace, where people insist on putting the question to a person they saw only the day before, and therefore couldn’t possibly have changed very much since then. If they had, the likeliness is they wouldn't have arrived for work this morning. The fact that they are clearly okay is surely obvious from one look at the person, noting no change in demeanour or appearance, no bruises or missing limbs.

I for one am getting tired of being asked the same question every morning and feeling like I have to ask it back just to be polite, when both parties know that the answer is never going to be particularly enlightening or reveal anything we didn’t already know. I’m starting to feel like I have to extend my answer further than the usual 'oh I’m fine', as more seems to be expected of me each time I am asked. Which gets difficult after a while. I don’t want to bore people with the mundane details of my journey to work any more than I want them to bore me with theirs. Maybe next time I'll spice it up a bit, throw something interesting in their like, 'I’m feeling a bit psychotic today, if I'm under-stimulated I think I might kill someone.' But that’s not what you’re supposed to say. You’re supposed to say, 'I'm fine thanks, how are you?' and then the cycle is complete. Until the next morning.

So why do we feel the need to ask this question every single day, to the same people? It's become a compulsion, a meaningless habit, one that I myself am guilty of, albeit in an automatic, robotic fashion. Perhaps it is a way to fill the gap after the initial 'hello'; perhaps it is a reason to maintain eye contact for longer than a few seconds, to acknowledge presence.

Or perhaps it is something deeper than that. Our need for routine dates back to when we were running around in skimpy furs and painting on walls. Perhaps this is a modern equivalent of chanting, or dancing round the fire. Maybe this procedure of asking people how they are is an innate ritual that welds us all together as a society, that makes us feel united and strong. It may seem nothing more than an extended acknowledgement but what's to say it's any different from a hug, or a kiss? Most people wouldn't greet their boss with a big smooch on the lips, so this is the professional equivalent. I can only conclude that the reason the dreaded 'how are you' fills me with so much dejection is because it is spoken, and therefore requires more effort to maintain. However it’s phrased - what’s up?' 'how's it going?' 'what’s new?' - the sentiment is always the same; meaningless and hollow. It's also the frequency of which the question is asked that bothers me. Once in a while would probably be more bearable, but is it really necessary to ask it every 24 hours, to the same person, in the same place, knowing perfectly well that the chances of anything significant having occurred are… well, about the same chance of this person not asking how you are again the next day?

By now you’re probably starting to think what an arrogant, miserable creature I am for feeling this way, but I'm not alone. I could name at least a few people who share my revulsion towards this pointless etiquette. And to those people I propose the following: next time someone asks you how you are, respond, 'I am fine today. And I will be fine tomorrow, and the next day, and probably for the rest of my life, unless you hear otherwise... And you?'