Curb and Kerbs

There are days when I wish I was more like Larry David.

For those of you unaware of this great man, he is the creator and star of Curb Your Enthusiasm, one of the best things to come out of American TV. To cut to the chase, Larry is a living representation of what everyone thinks but is afraid to say - like a man whose conscience has been completely removed, and who has absolutely no inner monologue. In other words, my idea of the perfect human being. If someone upsets him, he tells them. If he doesn't agree with an unwritten rule of behaviour or etiquette, he questions it. He isn't a victim of social construct.

One thing in particular I'd like to be able to do is laugh when someone trips up the pavement. It's an amusing situation, and I should be entitled to react accordingly. It's not unsympathetic - I'm not laughing at a man who's just had his leg ripped off, and the most that could occur is a badly stubbed toe, which hardly amounts to a serious injury - it's simply a natural response generated by surprise. Sometimes I even laugh at myself when I do it, and would frankly feel a lot more comfortable if people joined me in my mirth, as opposed to politely looking the other way or feigning concern. When people trip up it's funny, so let's not pretend otherwise.

If you flip the coin for a second, when we seriously hurt ourselves we don't pretend not to be in pain, nor do we smile as blood pours from the wound. We allow ourselves to react to the pain regardless of what anyone else thinks or expects us to do. If we did a little jig and then went on our merry way, dragging a bloody leg behind us, people would question that. People would think, now why is that person ignoring the alarming state of their leg, which has just been torn off by a dog?

One of Larry's niggles with the world is tipping. In one episode the bill demands that he tips the captain as well as the waiter, leading him to question why the captain deserves extra when all he does is greet people at the entrance and sign them in. Now this I completely agree with. I've been in various situations in which, albeit subtly, a hotel attendant has expected a tip for simply doing their job. Since they're paid to do the job why should they expect something on top of that just because it's 'tradition'? Likewise, toilet attendants frequently demand money for sitting in club bathrooms and handing out toilet roll or paper towels. I'm perfectly capable of helping myself to these things, as I have done for about the last 20 years, so why should I suddenly need to pay someone to do it for me? Maybe I'm mean for throwing a helpful offering back in her face, but the point is she's only doing it for something in return, which completely devalues the gesture at the outset. It's all completely false behaviour, on the part of both the greedy attendant and the obliging tipper.

Either way you look at it, we frequently go against what our instincts tell us. Maybe it's good that we have a bit of restraint - I don't think anyone should go as far as spurting out every thought that passes their mind without any moderation at all, but a bit more natural instinct and inclination to resist the pressure of pointless unwritten rules would, in my opinion, make us all much more interesting people.